Goodbye, K-Mart
Page 1

The above nearly-empty aisles of a local bankrupt K-Mart serve as the canvas for this picture story. On this stale and depressing stage, two teams of desperate men will attempt to settle the differences that drive them to the opposite sides of good and evil. One team has complete and absolute destruction on their minds. The other, resurrection and glory. As the K-Mart gasped for breath in its final days of operation with clearance sales of up to 90%, half of the boys tried to breathe new life into it, the other half attempted to stifle that breath with a metaphorical pillow-type thing.


Upon entering the dying K-Mart's skeleton, Chris, a fan of all things evil, scaled a large green wire-thing with an almost-empty bottle of bleach. From what we can speculate, Chris probably thought that the bleach would somehow harm the store, but it really just stained his clothes, which already had a lot of real gross oatmeal pie stains caked on them.


Brock, a patron of all things just and good, took it upon himself to guard the most precious area of the store: the Surplus Star Wars: Episode 2 Action Figure Section. Hoping to keep the K-Mart alive by preventing others from purchasing any more of the store's goods, Brock eventually realized that he was wasting much of his time in the above posture, for nobody wanted to buy the action figures anyway, even though they were priced at mere pennies apiece.


Java and Jared, a duo known state-wide for their premium destructive talents, became immediately distracted when they came across a rusty and tattered skateboard that was priced at -16 cents. This not only didn't further their team's efforts, but it also resulted in Jared rupturing his scrotum seconds after this picture was taken.


Truston, a man of supreme righteousness and heart, went right to work with the smallest plunger in the world, performing unnecessary maintenance on these real big red pump-system things, proving to himself that yes indeed, the key to any successful and healthy business is a steady plumbing system. And since Truston once heard a story about a mouse eating off a woman's genitals when it crawled up her pants, he tucked his pants into his boots. Though this made him look very stupid, it is the reason that his genitals swing cozily between his legs to this day.


A bucket of aged imitation nacho cheese and an innocent stainless steel contraption fell victim to Chris' next maniacal rampage. Smearing the cheese this way and that made Chris feel good in his stomach of stomachs, but yet again, his actions were overall ineffectual in speeding up the downfall of the sputtering, hulking mechanism of mass-consumerism known by all as K-Mart.

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