Studio 8 Classifieds
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Help Wanted

Services

For Sale

Personals

Misc.

Hey LSU students, want to represent your school 24/7? Then you could play a part in testing Tiger Tampons! Call Foley Testing Labs @ 555-4343.

I am going to The Hell Hole Bar next Thursday. If anyone knows the drink specials for that night, call Zeb! 555-2212.
URGENT!!!!

Dance party ruined by 2 girls. We think their names are Katie and Claire but we are not sure. Reward for info leading to the identity of these girls. 225-346-1135.

Needed:

Attendant for library bathroom. Experience being creepy and hanging around bathrooms a plus. Watch this video and send resumes to Chief Librarian.

Door-to-door vending machine service! Forget having to “walk upon” a machine in the hallway! Call us and we bring the machine to you! – Craig and Chelsea @ 555-6764.

Opportunity to grow, grow, grow! Call Jan’s Stilts and Stilt Repair. 555-6511.

I am retiring from heckling the comedians at The Comedy Corral. However, I am not retiring from the heckling business in general, so call me if you need any heckling done. The Lord of Darkness @ 666-EVIL.

Is your fish overcooked or just not raw enough?
Call Sushi Makers Of La.
555-2110.

The Take It or Leave It Company
Come on by our office & we’ll either give you something or take something from you. Take it or leave it, buster!
Corner of Weeland & Trumpsy.

Oooh-weee! We’ve got some Lil’ Debra’s Moon Pies over here and they look fancy! But that’s beside the point. Call Dale’s Tow Truck Service 22 hours a day. 555-5120.

Free one year service. 2 years for $50. Jimmy’s Free Stuff @ 555-7719.

Let me cut your grass with one arm tied behind my back. I can do that, I think. If not, I just won’t do it. Lawrence @ 555-0143.

Need help finishing that? I can do it! No job too big or too small. Give me something to do! I have nothing! You have it all! Have mercy on my soul!

Manuel @ 555-2999.

Downsizing! Must sell!

Microwave dinner - $4
1 Bookend - $5
Broken stationary bike - $45
Air Bud (VHS) - $12
Kitchen - $2,000
Butchered kitten - $1
Corner of house - $800
Cocktail - $3

Call 555-0954 - $6

Ferret cages – S, M, & L sizes.

All sales benefit Ferret Annihilation Service. 555-1907.

Huge piece of shit computer that sucks ass and won’t even turn on.

Call Pete Dunson @ 555-9913!

FOR SALE: Queen-size bed for Barbie. Sheets are stained. Pillows need fluffing. Barbie not included. Not for human use. $100 OBO. Call Frank @ 555-3505.

2 candle holders. Made of wax. Partially melted. Fire hazard. $2.25. Call Jeff @ 555-5278.

SILVER DOLLARS!

2004 Edition. 5 for $27 or 10 for $50. Each coin worth $1. Jenny’s Coin Depot – 555-2233.

Nice oak table w/6 chairs. Asking $480, but will accept $30. Maybe $5. Whatever. Call Darlene @ 555-1289.

For Sale: One swivel top loading lever. I don’t know what it is, either. $5, I guess. Herbert @ 555-3299.

8 wrought iron burglar bars. $5 each. Stolen from nice house. I’ve got some other shit from there, too. Give me a call. Toby @ 555-3456.

No cops, please.

I’m 96 and my life is almost over, but I still like to have a good time. I like bathing, eating, spitting up food, being ornery, and napping. Don’t bother calling because I never pick up the blasted phone anymore. Gus @ 555-4234.

Geaux Tigers! You guessed it, I am a big LSU Tigers Fan looking for someone who loves any and all LSU sports. Call me ASAP!

Geaux Tigers! Denise @ 555-9089.

Real neat guy who parties at parties and likes parties seeking a girl to party with. Also seeking a good party. Call Chad @ 555-5613.

Short hunchbacked dude with acne and gross teeth seeking a tall, beautiful, smart girl to have awkward sex with.

Call Darfen @ 555-0943.

I don’t know what has gotten into me! I just feel like going out tonight!
Sally @ 555-6766.

If anyone calls me, I will kick their ass. Glenn @ 555-4542.

Fun-loving, pretty girl seeks anyone who can have fun without committing crimes, doing drugs, or having sex. Call Kara @ 555-0006.

I am looking for a man who enjoys matinees, box car racing, envelope designing, and picture framing. I am a widow so don’t die.

Sarah @ 555-2116.

I won’t kiss you but I will hold your hand until they sweat. If you don’t feel like being sexually frustrated, don’t call me. Amy @ 555-4332.

I urinated in the office’s ice machine last week. Clue #1: I have a brother who works here. Clue #2: My name is Brent.

Round up your prescription pills and bring them to Central Park this Thursday for a giant real-life game of Dr. Mario! Look out for me – Pablo!

I would like to ask Chancey Graham’s Ghost to stop bothering my roommate and me. Delle @ 555-4320.

If anyone wants nude pictures of the hot Tri-Zeta, Delle, call Chancey the Ghost or log onto my website, which doesn’t exist yet.

Ladies! Movie night at the Tri-Zeta house tonight! Come check out “Ghost” starring Patrick Swayze and get pampered!

Wow! Can you believe this hickey? I sure as hell can’t! – Zack @ 555-2367.

Obvious Subliminal Message: Visit www.studio8.net more often.

It’s not a good idea to eat metal, kids, but it sure is fun!
Paid for by the Metal Munchers Awareness Society.

My dog is cooler than your dog. His name is Cop Killa. He will out-cool your dog any day. Call Mama Drama @ 555-7845.

Blessed Saint Ferguson, release me from this prison which is my skin. You are blessed and you can do that. If you can’t, at least bless me, because I just sneezed - Fran.

Thank you, St. John, for answering most of my prayers. No thanks to you yet again, St. Judas. - Christina.