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Kenny’s
Key West is
looking for 25 cheesy-looking
guys to spend time in rival nightclubs
gawking at ladies and making them feel uncomfortable.
Call Kenny @ 555-4332.
Locally owned bakery needs baking
lessons, quick! Call Quinten @ 555-0004.
Come to my house to
sign my petition to bring back MTV’s Celebrity Deathmatch. Dave
Matthews vs. John Mayer, baby! Woohoo!!!
Wood-burning
fireplace needs some fire, also some wood. If someone wood help
me, they wood have a place to work and not get fired. –
Mike @ 555-7763.
Want to be a Clerk of Courts?
Neither did I, but
I am now! Find out how
here.
Wanted
Someone told me that it's cool to "throw your bows up." Can
someone teach me how to do this cool thing? Call Uncle Joey @
555-1532.
Wanted:
A machine that can make money. Also, a potion that makes hot chicks
like me.
Brad @ 555-5523.
Looking for new, hip, fresh, and
one-of-a-kind talents for help on my
English 1002 paper.
No $$$ involved!
Timmy @ 555-0192. |
FREE ESTIMATES
24 Hrs. a Day
Doug’s Estimates
555-2141
Have a broken phone?
Call Tafen’s Phone Repair Service @ 555-3491. No phone calls, please.
Phone temporarily broken.
Been ripped off? Me
too! Help me get them back by sending me $125 and then asking no
questions and waiting for me to call you back. John @ 555-2390.
Call 555-1442.
Small or large jobs.
142 years of experience.
If you can watch TV,
you can make lots of $$$ from your very own couch! Call TV-Watching
Millionaires, Inc. @ 555-5003.
FREE
tips, secrets, and money! Just call 1-900-555-9999!
FREE!
($3.99/minute)
Sick & tired of
losing when you play video games??? Call 555-4009 now and order my new
device that makes you automatically win as soon as you start the game.
Works on all systems.
Need help taking notes in class? I will sit behind you and
whisper encouraging words for only $3 an hour or $15 per written page.
Call Priscilla @ 555-0219.
Ask me about 32-Second Miracles.
Call Fredrick @
555-1117. |
FOR SALE: A goat I found on this farmer’s farm. I
figure it’s worth at least $10. It bit me yesterday, so please hurry.
Manuel @ 555-1100.
One kid, dirt cheap! It’s messy, disrespectful, stupid. Yet
another mouth for me to feed, and I can’t take it anymore. I’ll take
whatever you can give me, as long as it’s not another kid. Alison @
555-2993.
For
Sale: Aol Screenname G3auxT1g3r5. E-mail
FSU4-ever@ih8lsu.net.
I’m selling every pair of pants I own because they all
have crap smeared in them. CHEAP!!!!! Gregory @ 555-3001.
Understand
difficult classified abbreviations with my decoder! Call Fran ASAP @
555-5434 w/in the nxt 2 wks pls.
For sale: A broken MC Hammer CD, some gross mint jelly, a
half-eaten sweater, and some of my report cards from first grade. The
whole lot for only $35 or a ride to the mall. Call Clint @ 555-2941.
Nice dorm fridge for
sale. Cheap - $25. Has a few severed arms inside and somewhat of a
stench. Randy @ 555-4000.
College got you down?
Try one of our tacos and maybe you’ll change your mind! Fardo’s Nutria
Tacos on Freling St. |
One 5’7 blonde with perfect curves looking for a boy, any boy, to
escort me to class on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. See you in the
quad early Monday morning.
Fun-loving, pretty girl seeks anyone who can have fun without
committing crimes, doing drugs, or having sex. Call Kara @ 555-0006.
Pisces Christian
athlete seeking Sagittarius non-athlete to baby-sit my neighbor’s
babies on Tuesday evenings. Solomon @ 555-7689.
Caligirlblade45 wants
to direct connect with CajunPoppaB. Connection failed. Contact AOL for
help.
If you want to know
why I took out this ad in the Classifieds Section, you’re gonna
have to call me, sweetheart. Sam @ 555-5654.
To all mans!! I
need a man! Are you a man!? Are you my man!? Hit me up on my
car phone. Shaweka Smith @ 555-0005.
Take this ad and
shove it up your ass! Brabble @ 555-7821.
Brains or beauty?
Which do you prefer? I’ve got neither, so the choice is easy. Choose
Gina @ 555-0231.
One lonely,
entertaining website looking for anything worthwhile. All other
websites are stiff and boring so far. Call Studio8.net @
225-278-2032 soon because I am very horny.
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I bought some nachos
from the mall and I am missing a few. If anybody has any information
on where I can locate these nachos, please call me @ 555-6223.
Rachel, Nicole, I’m looking at you.
I had a party last
week and I am missing an envelope with about $3 in it. I have no clue
who is responsible for this, but if you do, I would like for you to
let me know.
Karen @ 555-0061.
Lost!
2 nude pictures of my
girlfriend. Her name is Jennifer Love Hewitt. Please call Jim @
555-5099 if and when you find those pics.
Found: The meaning of life.
Call
Jesus (pronounced Hey-Zues) @ 555-2979.
LOST: Five front row
seats to last month’s Weezer concert. Willing to pay around 10 bucks
to get them back. Please call Claire @ 555-7865.
Found: My ultimate
tickle spot. I won’t tell you where it is, but you can try to find it
yourself.
Taddy @ 555-1254.
Lost: My entire
collection of the failed TV show Lost.
I’m serious.
I’m also missing my Land of the Lost action figures. Camry @
555-9001. |
