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Needed: Oral
sex giver. Blow jobs for $$$. Simple as that. Thurston @ 555-4883.
Dino’s Lounge
is looking for new waitstaff. Please visit “Blazing Falls” in The
Sims Online and ask for Terp.
Volunteers needed for
doing a lot of painful, crappy, and boring work at a depressing,
dangerous, and disgusting foreign country. Please hurry to book your
spot!
1-888-555-7668.
I need something, only I don’t know what. It could be
something big or little. Please give me what I need. Carri @
555-2391.
HAIRSTYLIST NEEDED!
For my fucking nutsack hairs, bitch! Gotcha! Get a real job, bitch! -
Ted.
Help!
Somebody is chasing
me! They’re right behind me as I write this ad. Pete @ 555-90…. |
Video services for
any wedding. Call Morris and please, God, tell me you have a camera
I can use.
555-6545.
Need a flute
lesson? So does my piece of crap roommate, Jackie.
Call Lee @555-2687.
Want your party to
be kind of cool, but also kind of a let-down?
Call Stella’s Non-Alcoholic Daiquiri
Traveling Party Squad Team!
555-5543.
Are you stuck in the
mud? Do you have on really nice shoes? Is your pillow really just a
pile of leaves and dirt? If you answered yes to any of these
questions, you could benefit from changing your life in some way.
Looking to book a
fresh and innovative band? Call the Home Improvement Opening Credits
Cover/Tribute band. We play for cheap! 555-1238. |
MUST SELL FAST!!!!!
No time to explain!
Please call
555-1003!
BALLS BALLS BALLS!
I
need balls of all shapes & sizes. I am starting up a ball resale
shop. No prank calls referring to testicles, please. No, I am not
gay.
Carl’s Balls @ 555-3289.
30-ft. tall
cardboard cut-out of Mikimoto from Iron Chef. Slight semen
stains around hole cut in mouth area. Price negotiable.
Call Mr. Daisy
@ 555-0034.
One Nordic Trak
Xrcise Bike. $100. One fat, lazy, bitchy wife included. Gary @
555-4499.
1 Huffy 12-speed
bike - $15. Still in the store. Just need 15 more bucks so I can buy
it. Thanks! Fernando @ 555-3855. |
I don’t usually do
anything this personal, but I’ve decided to make some changes in my
life. One of those changes is I want to start talking to people. So
if anyone knows any people, give them my phone number.
Gerald @ 555-2082.
I’m a chick. That’s
all you need to know about me. That and I have a disease. Call me to
find out all the rest and perhaps even some love. Dasiy @ 555-3247.
One Funky Girl. One
crazy attitude. Zero regrets. One desire. One hundred dollars off my
old and crappy jeep. Delta @ 555-1289.
Looking for
someone who knows how to keep it rizzeal. Please don't inquire if
you keep it real. – Bo 555-4213.
I saw you at the game
dressed up like the letter L, or maybe it was in beach gear. I was
kind of drunk. Anyway, you were ugly. Call Kristen @ 555-3674! |
I think Studio8.net is a sham. Call me and let’s discuss how to get
rid of this site. Bucky @ 225-278-2032.
The “Don’t Mess with Ducktales Society of
Texas” is
having a garage sale this weekend in Florida. Every framed picture of Launchpad McQuack and Gizmoduck must go. If you
don’t know who Gizmoduck is, then don’t come. Call Scrooge McDuck @
555-$$$$.
If anyone wants to
see the cool tattoo my girlfriend got, I'll punch them in the face.
If you just want to talk to me, call Frankie @ 555-1222.
I’m embarrassed that
I paid for this Classified Ad. Mark @ 555-2119.
Donate your car to me
(for no reason)! Chad @ 555-7995.
I got to hook up with
that drunk chick with big breasts after she passed out at Rebecca’s
party last week, and now I feel like bragging about it. Sammy @
555-2001.
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