I am a master of all media. I used to work at Good Times Music in the mall in my old town of Craton, Delaware. Don’t bother asking me any questions about my city, my life, or my old job because I will not answer any of them. I’m here to do one thing: help you make an educated decision on the hottest piece of media to hit the stores on Tuesday, May 13^th.

This Week’s Artist: Marilyn Manson

Album Title: The Golden Age of Grotesque

Release Date: May 13th, 2003

Track Listing and Reviews:

1. This is the New Shit
I wasn't too sure what purpose this song served other than letting people know what the new shit is. I was totally confused and completely gave up hope after 1:28.
If I was Mrs. Manson’s song title director, I would change the name of this song to “This is the shittiest song on this album.”

2. mOBSCENE
This completely blew me away. Totally throwing conventionality out the window, Marilyn Manson gives us a spicy surprise with her clever play on the words “Mob” and “Obscene.”
I don’t really know much about the song because I skipped the track after 13 seconds.

3. Doll-Dagg Buzz Buzz Ziggety Zag
I refuse to listen to any song that contains any combination of the above words.

4. Use Your Fist and Not Your Mouth
This song was like one giant awkward silence, except with lots of noisy guitars being strummed and dudes screaming really loud. I locked myself in the bathroom while taking a dump during this song. When I came out, it was already over.

5. The Golden Age of Grotesque
Boy do I hate title tracks. This one does nothing except fuel my anger for them. My finger accidentally hit the next button at the 30-second mark. Has anyone ever told Mrs. Manson that she sings like a man?

6. (s)AINT
This song is ¼ garbage, ¼ junky, ¼ pathetic, and ¼ disgusting. I don’t know what Marilyn (is that even her real name?!?) was thinking when she put together this track. I made myself listen to this whole track but I also made myself a mustard sandwich in a room on the opposite of the house where this CD was playing.

7. Ka-Boom Ka-Boom
Umm….my elbow accidentally (and by "accidentally," I mean "totally on purpose") pressed the next key on this track and I didn’t feel like going back and listening to it. I’m assuming this song was at least as annoying as (s)AINT and about twice as crappy as Doll-Dagg Buzz Buzz Ziggety Zag probably was.

8. Slutgarden
This song reminded me of my really hot late night fingering sessions with my ex-girlfriend, who also had a garden. She used to ask me to work in her garden, but I never did it because I don’t like doing that. I actually listened to this entire song with one finger in a warm and special spot in memory of my lady.

	Above: This may or may not be a recent photograph of me, Milwaukee Hastings. It might be a painting, a charcoal drawing, or a picture of a holographic representation of myself transposed in front of a painting of a waterfall.

9. Spade
Well, since my favorite actor is Christopher Walken and Chris Farley has the same first name as him, and David Spade was in some Chris Farley movies, and David Spade’s last name is sort of like the title of this track, I heard this whole song. It wasn’t that bad, but I think it’s because I had the volume all the way down.

10. Para-noir
Alright, I’ve had enough of this. Who is naming these songs? I don’t think I even listened to this track...

11. The Bright Young Things
My phone rang during this entire song so I wasn’t able to give it a good listen.

12. Better of Two Evils, 13. Vodevil, and 14. Obsequy (The Death of Art)
At this point in the album, every song was running into the other and they might as well have been all on the same track. I gave each track about 4 seconds before switching them off.

      Finally:

The DVD that accompanies this album is a complete waste of your time. I hated it and so will you! I recommend using it as a plate for company to eat off of (if you're the filthy type of person who allows company into your house).