Studio 8 Characters

Studio 8 has a rag-tag cast of ever-growing and ever-retarded characters who regularly contribute articles, AOL convos, picture stories, media reviews, and other assorted features, even though we don't ask them to do so. It's becoming more and more apparent to us and our readers that these characters could not obtain jobs working for any other websites and they all seem to have major problems getting along in society. We apologize in advance for the silliness which you will be subjected to if you click on any of the pictures below.

Studio 8 Columnists
Character	Column Title	Description
Dommie	It's Dommie Time!	Dommie is a pizza delivery person who takes his job too seriously. Full of complex theories, ridiculous tales, and rotten pizza dough, Dommie fights and imaginary battle against the rest of the world. And it is fun to watch him do it.
Manuelle	Manuelle's Mantasies	Manuelle is a nice foreign homosexual man (who hasn't yet touched another man) who frequently slips into erotic trances that he refers to as "Mantasies." Some might find these little narratives to be strange and un-entertaining. Others will think they are indulgent, decadent, or really really gay.
Fannie Beenerface	A Mother's Heart	Fannie Beenerface is the corniest, lamest, and most pathetic character to ever write for this site. Her idiotic ramblings have actually driven some readers to the point of murder and bestiality. Read her columns only if you have an infinite amount of patience. Or if you need some inspiration to kill somebody.
Clay Shompson	Fuck All This Bullshit	Ridiculous, impossible theories and misinformed, retarded redneck philosophies spew out of Clay Shompson's mouth like a gallon of hearty vomit. Clay is the the most widely-read racist, ignorant columnist in the world, and he knows it, too. Don't cross his path or look in his eyes or he just might threaten you and then run away.
Cedric von Samiss	The Guru of the Universe	In addition to his love for donning reflective apparel, Cedric loves dispensing semi-coherent advice on any and every topic. Take his advice and you'll soon see that he's either a humble genius or a serial rapist.
Barbara Stanson	Healthy Servings of Yours Truly	Barbara Stanson is fat. Gross and fat. Not only that, but her personality isn't all that great. To be honest, she doesn't have much to offer the world, or even another human being. But she sure does like to write for Studio 8. That's saying something...Maybe...Eh.
Drake Dunlop	Roommate Wanted	Drake Dunlop's sole motivation is the pure hatred that he feels for his roommate, who has no idea that Drake even hates him. Lonely, nerdy, and pathetic, Drake lets the rest of his life spiral down as he plots against his oblivious roomie every day of his miserable life.
Samuel "Big Dog" Booksie	Big Dog Booksie's Big Dog Clothing Reports	Big Dog Booksie lives in the fabled land where Big Dogs roam free and don't take no crap from nobody! He spends every moment outside of his boring plant job writing and thinking about the latest and greatest fashions from the Big Dog Clothing Company. Big Dog does not condone Booksie's useless reports, nor do they want him buying their oversized shirts.
Gentleman Brock	How to be a Gentleman	In an age where men don't know how to be men, one man is here to shine the light of a true gentleman's wisdom onto the masses. Whoever that man is, may he succeed in his silly quest, because Gentleman Brock is also trying to do the same thing - force today's young men to act like bumbling idiots under the guise of chivalry and politeness.
Benjamin Kwaffel	Ben’s Top 5 Friends of the Month Report	This kid likes to type up elaborate reports on his top 5 friends of the month and then post them on here for the world to see, as if the world cares. But they're good for a laugh or two. Please don't make fun of Ben because his mother pays us a lot of money to feature his work on our site.
Pastor Jay Michael Flimpers	The Lord's Samaritan Messenger's Heraldry	Pastor Flimpers claims that the Holy Spirit instructed him to clean up Studio8.net by writing a series of "scripture-filled virtual church sermons that will teach the young people of the world how to live the self-righteous life!" If you don't like being preached at or if you hate God, read at your own risk.
G. Rodney Fussensnitch	One Crusty Book Expert's Guide to Books	G. Rodney Fussensnitch is an unemployed, illiterate old coot who has never done anything worthwhile with his life, which is why he fits in perfectly around here. His half-hearted book reviews are scribbled on hamburger wrappers and mailed into our offices at least 3 times a day. The ones we can decipher can be found on this website.
Milwaukee Hastings	I Hate Music CD Reviews	Milwaukee Hastings is the ultimate music snob. Nothing is worth listening to and no one knows more about anything than he does. If you enjoy being insulted and abused, Milwaukee's bitter diatribes might be just the thing to cure you of your weird masochistic tendencies.
Trevor	Reality TV is Me!	Trevor likes to offer recaps of CBS' shitty television series, Survivor. Trevor wants the following things to be known about him: He watches Survivor. He knows everything about Survivor. He's successfully predicted the winner of every Survivor, including Season Three.
Count Tiffany Glaze	A Night at the Movies!	Count Tiffany Glaze is a man/woman who hates watching movies, but loves reviewing them. Unfortunately, his/her movie reviews rarely include any details about the movie he/she watched. If you can get something useful out of these reviews, you deserve a treat of some sort.
Retired/Dead Columnists They had a good run, but all good runs must one day splatter into your underwear, as they say...
Gammy Fritz	Who am I?	Gammy Fritz is a senile old woman who's been living in an old folks' home for as long as she can remember. Well, she can't really remember anything that happened more than 5 minutes ago. She likes to write in her journal. We like to show you this journal so you can laugh at it. And her.    DEAD!
Stephen Sport	Club Hook-up Central	Some people go to college to further their education. Some go because their parents force them to do it. Others go to clean the campus toilets. Stephen Sport attends college for two reasons: to drink and get laid. Sounds fun, right? See for yourself.  FIRED!
Brandi Pinkstone	Love's Travels	Naive and worried about her first years away from home and safety, Brandi Pinkstone is every frat boy's dream...and every blog reader's nightmare. Every excruciating, lovelorn thought and memory is put to paper as Brandi explores life from within the sheltered walls of her dorm room.  KIDNAPPED!
Mabel Pennyluck	A Penny for Good Luck	For reasons unknown and perhaps unknowable, this semi-literate, slightly overweight old lady thinks that she is the editor of Studio8.net. From time to time, she composes editorial letters and even interviews other websites using the Studio 8 name. We don't have the heart to tell her to stop.   RETIRED!
Stripes the Dog	One Bark and Two Bites!	Would you let your dog write articles about what he does all day? Probably not, because most dogs in America don't do too much. Neither does Stripes here. But, hey, he's our first and only animal columnist. Give him a ginger pat on his head if you ever meet him. He loves that. He loves everything.     ABANDONED!

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