The Last Game for a Bona-fide Player (My Last Gay Article)
by Stephen Sport

     I don’t really care, it’s not like I even gave a fuck anymore. Shit, my entire time here can be defined by me not giving a fuck. I never once gave one, not even when I was asked to “tone it down a little” when I was charged with statutory rape or when I was drunk driving. Truth is, I was just buzzing really big time. I was innocent then and I’m innocent now. Innocent of giving a fuck. I'm just buzzing big time.
continue...

     Attention college boys! I am about to straight up make you all into men. Straight up, yo, and this dude ain’t even trifling! High school life taught you all about things like squeezing titties and rubbing your fat wiener on chicks when they walked by you in the hall. But now you’re in college and everyone knows that college is all about getting laid, and the more laid you get, the better your life will be!
continue...

Girl, If You Ever Need a Hook-Up on Chicken Wings, You Know Where to Go
by Stephen Sport

     Hello and welcome to Chicken Chunkers. Whoa! Long time no see, baby!
     Hey, I’m sorry about last year. I’m really sorry about all the unnecessary drama I caused for you, too. Your mom had just drowned in the country club swimming pool and you were all screwed up emotionally and I tried to feel you up while you were crying to me. I’m sorry about that.
continue...

A Week in the Life of Stephen Sport
by Stephen Sport
       So I’ve been getting lots of fan mail from the ladies who want to know how I spend all my time during the week. Dang mug, where does a playa playa begin to do that?
       I guess I’ll start with Monday. And you know how Mondays start, right? With me shitting diarrhea everywhere and hung over like a bitch!
continue...

A Phat Saturday Night Story
by Stephen Sport
      So me and my boys are just waking up from the Friday night bar scene. We’re all hung-over and trying to find something good to eat. We’ll probably lounge around some and catch some T.V….. Yeah right, what am I talking about? It’s 7 p.m. and it’s about that time for us to go hit up dat Saturday night good time!
continue...

I Just Don’t Give a Fuuuuuuck!
by Stephen Sport
      Picture this: Bright orange hooded sweatshirt with the thickness. A pair of Oakleys on my head, a pair of Jordans on my feet. I have my stereo bumping and the streets know that I’m about to get loco up in this bitch. If you didn’t already know, you should know now that Stephen Sport is right in the middle of just not giving a fuuuuuuuuck!
continue...

Stopping at Red Lights is for Pussies
by Stephen Sport
    Fuck this shit! I can’t believe I just got a fucking ticket from that bastard cop for running through a stop light. Like that’s any big thing to get pissed off about. Man, stopping at red lights is for pussies, just like brushing your teeth, wearing seat belts, and pulling out right before you nut all up in that shit. That faggot cop sure didn’t like it when I told him that, either.
continue...

Super Bowl 37 Preview!
by Stephen Sport
    Editor's Note: Our resident drunken frat boy columnist, Stephen Sport, put himself in the hospital with alcohol poisoning and didn't turn in his stupid Super Bowl article in time. So the article below is totally irrelevant, poorly written, and it concerns sports (which are boring), but we're running it anyway to encourage the author to keep pursuing his career as a journalist.
continue...

I’m ‘Bout to Throw Some ‘Bows Up in This Mug!
by Stephen Sport
  We’ve only been partyin’ at this party for like 5 minutes, dude, but already I’m feelin’ like throwin’ some ‘bows up! I’m all fucked up! My boys are all fucked up! The music is bumpin’ and the bitches are walkin’ around lookin’ tight, yo! Y’all better get out the way! That’s right, mutha fucka! There ain’t no stoppin’ it now!
continue...

With My Instructions You Can Make Out with Anyone
by Stephen Sport
   So you’re in this club, talking to a chick who you think is totally fine. Things are going good. You want to make a move on her, but you don’t really know how. Shut up and listen to me and you won’t have this problem, man!
continue...

Girl, You Need to Let Me Take Care of You!
by Stephen Sport
    Hey girl, this club ain’t really all that much fun anymore and you’re drunk.  I say we head outta here and go grab a bite to eat or maybe go watch a movie at my place.  Is that cool?  No? Ah, come on, I’ll give you a back massage and buy you some fast food.  Yeah, my hands are pretty gross.  Sorry about that.  Please?  Yes?  Sweet! 
continue...

Let’s Drink Beer and Dance and Sing
by Drunken Frat Dude, Stephen Sport
    It’s Friday night, baby, and you know what that means! It’s time for some booty shakin’ and drinkin’ and singin’!
continue...