Did Either of You Ladies Think to Ask if I Wanted This Threesome?
By Jeremy Thantery

Hold it right there, the both of you. Before anyone removes one more piece of their clothing, let me ask you this: Did either of you ladies think to ask me if I would even like to actively participate in this threesome?

Gretchen, we have been dating for nearly two wonderful years. Our sex life has always been very healthy – frequent, lively, and full of surprises. But, just like the first time that you turned me over and licked around the edges of my rectum, this is one bedroom surprise that has gotten out of hand. And, unlike the above anal-licking experimentation, which I actually found to be delightful on many levels and on many occasions since, I don’t think I can allow this crude menage-a-trois to continue.

Tammy, out of all of Gretchen’s circle of rich, beautiful friends, I’ve always gotten along with you the best, and yes, I must admit that I am extremely attracted to your slim dancer’s physique and new silicone breast implants. Yet as much as I’d like to have a peek at and feel of the hardened nipples that poke out from the silky smoothness of your tiny negligee, I must ask you to put your blouse back on.

      From the hungry, seductive looks on both of your pretty, willing faces I can tell that this must sound irrational and unbelievable. There seems to be this grand myth nowadays that every heterosexual male’s ultimate fantasy is to enjoy the bedtime company of two gorgeous, horny women. Well, I’m here to confirm that this myth is true. Indeed, it is my ultimate fantasy to indulge in a night of sexual bliss with two women at once.

However, I would have preferred it if one or both of you had sat me down and asked me about this entire set-up well beforehand. And since you didn’t, I don’t know if I can perform-

Excuse me, ladies, but I’d appreciate it if you’d stop playfully caressing one another’s breasts and moistened vaginal areas and listen to what I’m saying. Thank you.

I respect the amount of effort that you both went through to keep this a delicious secret from me up until the last minute. Tammy, I was genuinely concerned about your shower breaking and I had no problem with you coming over in the middle of the night to use ours. And even after you came out wearing the sexy negligee that perfectly defines your slender, rock-hard body while accentuating each of your many soft curves, I was unaware of any ulterior motives.

Gretchen, cooking a fine romantic dinner and getting drunk with me on my favorite chardonnay was a nice way to spend an evening, and I thought we would simply finish out the night with a few hours of cunnilingus and anal stimulation. But, no, you had to go behind my back and betray my trust by inviting your most attractive friend into our bed. And then you have the nerve to actually suggest that we videotape this once-in-a-lifetime event so I can relive the multi-orgasmic, life-defining sex that would surely transpire if I were to allow it to? Not just no, but fuck no. Pardon my dirty language, but-

Hello? I’m still talking here! Can you just stop gingerly stroking my massively aroused penis for one second, Gretchen? And Tammy, removing my shirt and rubbing your supple body against my naked back isn’t helping the situation, either. You’re just encouraging Gretchen.

Look, I’m through trying to reason with either of you. I’m almost to the point of ejaculation already and I’m nowhere near finished speaking my mind. If you two want to continue this perverted scenario, you’re going to have to do it somewhere other than this bedroom.

Yes, that’s right, Gretchen and Tammy. Tammy, you tasty, blonde, perfectly-built little sex-vixen. And, oh Gretchen, you hopelessly submissive, sexually insatiable, and endlessly good-looking little tramp.

You can both gather up all of your massage creams and scented oils and sizeable collection of sexy outfits and then have this threesome without its third participant – me! And don’t forget to wipe up all of that chocolate syrup from off the floor. I hope you didn’t have any intention of using that on me later.
    
     Now before you go, if you two are going to keep fooling around and having sex with each other, is it all right if I watch from behind that chair and quietly masturbate while you do so? You both look really hot and I’ve never seen two chicks French kiss and go down on each other like that before.

Why not? What a couple of bitches.