I'm standing here looking down at a group of wonderful young men who I really don't feel like making out with anymore. I love you guys, but not like that, ok?

     You see, at first I was having a good time - bonding with my brothers, talking about all the hot chicks at school, speculating on this weekend’s scheduled sports match-ups.

I can’t exactly say why it feels weird for me to watch Doug, Nathaniel, and Kevin share a wet and wild triple-kiss, but it just does. I understand that they’re just three good buddies competing against one another in this hilarious and sexy game of chance and skill, but I guess I was hoping we’d be playing this game against some girls, preferably some hot ones.

Now just because I’m quitting for a while (or maybe for the rest of the night if that’s cool) doesn’t mean that I’m going to tell anyone at school about this on Monday. We all agreed beforehand that what goes on here will stay here. So Kirk and Juan, look around at the dozen or so handsome faces in this room. These dudes are the only people who will ever know about the two of you rubbing your wieners together in the closet.

Peter, Josh, Keith - I’ve been friends with you guys since kindergarten and I can’t help but feel like you’ve all done something tonight that will change our friendships forever, namely taking turns playing with each others’ nutsacks and teasing each others’ nipples.

So maybe if we could just change the rules of this game a bit, I might be interested in playing for the rest of the night. For instance, maybe instead of having to kiss and fondle the person who the bottle points at, we could just have to give that person a high-five or a solid punch in the stomach. Or maybe instead of spinning that empty wine bottle that we stole from Gerald’s mom’s trashcan, we could use some kind of manlier item like a football or Gerald’s mom’s dildo.

	Nathaniel, Peter, Kirk, and Gerald, please don't look at me like that. You know what it does to me. I'll make it all up to all of you later.

      And no, I’m not just “pussying out” on you guys because I just got done spinning the bottle and have to kiss Tristan now. I mean, I’d rather French kiss half of you other guys (and I have tonight, thanks to this silly game) than French kiss him, but that’s not what I’m saying here. Playing this game is just starting to make me feel sort of uncomfortable and a little more gay than I was when I woke up this morning.

      Just know that in a minute I’m going to walk into that closet with Tristan, make out with him for a little while, and then I’m through playing this faggoty game, all right?

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