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Current Events Yep, just another quiet night in the good ole' New Orleans French Quarter. No titty flashes, no drunk tourists, no rowdy homosexuals in leather hotpants-Hey, who's that hossy-footin' over there? Hey, buddy! Yeah you! What you doing over there? You own that convenience store? No? Then why you trying to go inside it? Oh, you just want to buy something? Gee, we haven't heard that one before, have we, fellas? Yeah, I'm sure you're just minding your own business, trying to buy something...something like drugs or knives! Or better yet, you're just trying to loot them from the place for free.
Well, not on my watch, buster. Besides, this fine establishment is obviously closed and doesn't sell that kind of trash to your kind of trash-Whoa! Hey!
We got a live one here, boys! Watch him, and watch him good. He just moved one of his hands slightly! I'm on him! Oof! He was either scratching his nose or reaching for an uzi rifle, I'm not sure, but I've got no choice but to slam his face into the wall a couple of times! Ah, shit, one of his teeth flew out and landed on my sleeve! Gross!
Now calm the fuck down right now, man! Bucky, get in here with me and slap another set of cuffs on his wrists! No, watch your legs, they're getting all tangled up here! There's too many of us!
Whoop! There I go. We're going to the ground now. Take him down nice and easy, boys. Terry, put an ankle lock on him. I can fight you high or low, boy, and I can fight you all night. Especially with my eight blue-badged buddies here, so just take it easy. Doyle, twist his neck and put a knee in his cheek. Hank, maneuver your horse's ass to block the view of that CNN camera over there!
There, now we got him. Hope you're happy, you son of a bitch, because you are under arrest now, you criminal piece of shit! All I was doing was asking you some simple questions about the crimes we caught you committing. Where did you think you were going to go while I was arresting you? Can't crawl away on your belly now with me and Tucker on your ass!
You must think you're pretty cute, huh? How cute is this, fuckface? Ouch! The back of this guy's skull really smarts on the knuckles. Be careful if you punch him in that area, Dan.
You know, every cop, good or bad, has his breaking point and I think I just reached mine when I saw this human garbage standing over here looking in the window like a lost puppy at a pet shop. I'm out here night after night looking after this beautiful city, doing the good will of God and President Bush, trying to protect everything and keep violence out of the streets and the only way I can do that is by choking or tazering every person who isn't wearing a police uniform. It's a damn shame.
Hey, boy, don't try to look at me while I'm pummeling your head! Shit! He ain't struggling or running now, but he sure will look at me all night, won't he? How about I rip your shirt a little and pull on your hair? How you like that? Daverds, Give him a wedgie.
I've got dogs stuck in refrigerators and trees falling on top of other trees and killing them and now I've got to stop what I'm doing and grind your face into the pavement? Bullshit to you, buddy!
Look at this dirty asshole, bleeding his nasty blood all over our clean New Orleans sidewalks. Let's get him off the ground and load him into a cruiser. Oh yeah, before we book your filthy ass into jail, why don't you tell us your fucking name! What? Speak up! You're the what? Aw, the lazy bastard's fallen asleep on us.
Peterson, check his wallet. No, you can't keep the twenty bucks in there, idiot! I don't know, check his library card or something. His name's got to be in there somewhere, dammit. You found something? His name's Ray? He's what? The mayor of New Orleans? Oh. Uh, well...shit.
Thought he looked familiar.
This article was written
by
Brock. |
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