Fox Announces New Crappy Fall TV Lineup    

        Last week, the Fox Network unleashed an exciting lineup of all-new TV shows that will begin airing in December.  Below is a rundown of what they are and what to expect from them.

TEMPTATION CANDY ISLE – This latest addition to the reality show trend involves a mixture of eight morbidly obese people and eight diabetic people being penned up together for two years in a grocery store’s fully-stocked candy isle.  Whoever survives the heart attacks and diabetic shocks that are sure to occur is the winner.  The prize, of course, is the winner’s weight in black licorice.

WORLD’S SCARIEST STUPID CRIMINALS IN CAR CHASES INVOLVING ANIMALS GOING BAD WHILE POLICE OFFICERS ACCIDENTALLY SHOOT INNOCENT CHILDREN – This weekly show will provide viewers with hours of genuine footage from secret police and criminal files.  Show producers promise lots of raw carnage to cringe at, though each clip will involve the exact same stupid criminal car chase scenarios and all will end with good animals going bad and innocent children being accidentally gunned down by police.

WHO WANTS TO BE ON TV? – The Fox Network’s first ever nightly game show will involve every single participant from Survivor, Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Fear Factor, Weakest Link, Temptation Island, Road Rules, Boot Camp, The Mole, Big Brother, Real World, and Temptation Candy Isle, among others.  The growing list of contestants will compete for America’s attention every night by performing simple daily tasks, bickering amongst themselves, and having frequent, emotion-packed confessionals.  Fox agreed to continue filming all of the contestants’ lives on a 24-hour basis even if the show is cancelled.

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! – Finally Fox brings America a sitcom about the funny, but true things that happen within families.  The table is set for big laughs as the two exasperated, yet loving parents continuously deal with their smarmy and conniving children, with a little wacky “help” from their screwy neighbors and the grandmother/maid who offers witty cut-downs and sage-like advice.  Expect a funny little dog, too.