Birds, the sky, feeling extra-super energetic, and picking fresh blueberries. All these things spell “summer” for me. Wait, did I forget something? You’re darned tootin’ right I did! I forgot the righteous and true and wonderful American Flag!

      I didn’t forget it on purpose, mind you. I was just trying to prove to you just how patriotic I can be. One of my favorite sayings to say is, “Just how patriotic can a person be?”

      “Well not patriotic enough,” I always answer myself!

	Above: Kay holds up her favorite flag at a parade and thinks she is really cool.

      That’s precisely where the great American holiday of Flag Day comes into play. It’s a time for everyone all around the world to stand up and push the limits of their American pride.  

      Let me tell you, when Flag Day passed the other day, I won first prize in my family’s homemade flag competition. My husband, daughter, and my cat all picked me to be first prize winner! It made me feel so good inside! I really felt like I had done something to contribute to my country’s greatness. So, in my mind, I am just as deserving of pride as all those soldiers out there risking their lives day in and day out for freedom.

      And speaking of freedom, I was just about to tell you about all the gifts my family exchanged for Flag Day. My husband gave me a high-spirited live recording of Paul McCartney’s passionate and meaningful song, “Freedom.” I knew right where to put it, too - right in my American flag compact disc case on top of the original version of “Freedom,” which is right on top of the acoustic, remix, and European versions of “Freedom.” I guess I can’t get enough freedom! But then again, who can? Not me!

      On a more serious note, earlier today some kids walked by me while I was gardening in my (wink,wink) liberty garden and they pointed and laughed at my 3-D American flag sweater. I tried to call the police to get those unappreciative little what-nots locked up, but the police department refused to cooperate with me, yet again.

      I always say if you can’t take a few hours out of your day to stop and think about how great it is to be so free and living in such a beautiful country, then you should be locked up in a good jail cell with all the rest of the terrorists and Nazis and Communist spies!

      So in honor of Flag Day and all the people who died defending and protecting the most sacred and important country of all time, I am going to take matters into my own hands and teach those neighborhood punks a lesson.

      Tomorrow morning when I see those little brats laughing at my hand-painted “Osama Bin Laden, We’re Coming for You!” yard banner, I’m going to offer them some of my freshly-baked Freedom Cookies, which will be loaded with rat poison and razor blades. They’ll learn to respect the Stars & Stripes even if it means I have to kill them before they do!

      All right, it’s been great sharing with you all, but I’ve got to get back to the front line writing these letters to my Congressmen about designating the other 364 days of the year to also be Flag Day.