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AOL Victim
The Wannabe Writer - Part 2

In Part 1 of this convo, a 14-year-old kid asked for a job with Studio 8 as a Level 2 Comedy Writer. We didn't give him the job. But that doesn't mean we can't string him along to see what he's made of. His name is "BlockerMelon34". We are "BnBRool".


BlockerMelon34: I've got a piece of writing now. ^^
BnBRool: I've got a piece of chicken now.
BlockerMelon34: Awesome.
BnBRool: So where does that put us?
BnBRool: Are we making a trade?
BlockerMelon34: Nah. I'm just giving the writing to you.
BnBRool: OK.
BnBRool: Fair enough.
BlockerMelon34: How do you want me to send it to you?
BnBRool: I'll give you nothing in return.
BnBRool: Email it to me @ brock@studio8.net.
BlockerMelon34: Okay.
BnBRool: Are you going to do that?
BlockerMelon34: Yes.
BnBRool: Then why didn't you say, "OK"?
BnBRool: I told you that I prefer "OK" to "Okay."
BlockerMelon34: OK, then I shall use "OK".
BnBRool: It's faster to write AND faster to read.
BnBRool: I don't need an explanation or apology from you.
BlockerMelon34: OK.
BnBRool: That's more like it.
BlockerMelon34: It is sent. ^^
BnBRool: OK.
BnBRool: Give me some time.
BlockerMelon34: I will wait patiently.
BnBRool: Are you done waiting?
BlockerMelon34: I don't know...
BlockerMelon34: I'll be waiting until you tell me something, or something...
BnBRool: What do you want me to say?
BlockerMelon34: I don't know. The truth?
BnBRool: Why don't you try telling me the truth for once?
BlockerMelon34: I always do...
BnBRool: I haven't known you since you were born, though. SO how can I trust you?
BnBRool: What if you did something wrong when you were 6?
BnBRool: What if you're going to kill someone when you're 37?
BlockerMelon34: I dunno... but I'm not going to now...
BnBRool: I'm sorry, but that answer just doesn't cut the mayonnaise...
BlockerMelon34: Well... that's all I can say about it.
BnBRool: Why? Has someone told you not to say anymore about it?
BlockerMelon34: No. That's all I can say about it, not what I want to.
BnBRool: OK, before I download and open this "writing" of yours, I'd like to know more about you.
BnBRool: First - Are you a robot? Or have you ever heard of the concept of a robot?
BlockerMelon34: I am not a robot myself, but I do know what a robot is.
BnBRool: Strike One!
BnBRool: # 2 - What would you rather do: eat an apple-shaped food item made of chili dog droppings OR pull off your own head and throw it at your best friend?
BlockerMelon34: Hmmm...
BlockerMelon34: I'd have to say throw my head.
BnBRool: Strike 2!
BnBRool: OK, now for Part C: Are you going to post this conversation on your sophomoric comedy wesbite?
BlockerMelon34: I don't have a sophomoric comedy website.
BnBRool: Strike 3! You're something something...
BlockerMelon34: Is that bad or good?
BnBRool: I don't know. I hate sports.
BnBRool: You tell me.
BnBRool: Oh, quick question.
BnBRool: Would you be able to work on a TV show next week in Los Angeles?
BnBRool: You'd be a set PA. You'd get close to $100/day, with food, gas, mileage, and other little perks.
BlockerMelon34: A PA?
BnBRool: We're all busy on other projects.
BnBRool: Yes, a Production Assistant.
BnBRool: Obviously, you don't know anything about "the biz".
BlockerMelon34: I've never been in any kind of Production thing.
BnBRool: Then you are utterly useless to the world.
BlockerMelon34: But, I might be able to get to LA by next week....
BnBRool: No, you're too young anyway.
BnBRool: Just a child.
BlockerMelon34: OK.
BnBRool: Let's hear more about this "writing" of yours.
BnBRool: How long did it take to "write" it?
BlockerMelon34: About an hour and a half.
BnBRool: What kind of "writing" is it, i.e. article, editorial, story, etc.?
BlockerMelon34: It's an Article. It's about the birth and the hunting down of Pac-Man by the Ghosts.
BlockerMelon34: It's in a 1st person viewpoint by him.
BnBRool: Do you think that is is "funny"?
BlockerMelon34: It depends on who reads it.
BnBRool: What does your mother think of it?
BlockerMelon34: I couldn't show my mother, because I haven't seen her in 11 years, but I showed my grandma, and she said I was weird.
BnBRool: Is your mother invisible?
BlockerMelon34: No... she lives in Oregon.
BnBRool: Invisible people can read, too, you know.
BnBRool: People in Oregon can read, too, you know.
BlockerMelon34: I know, but there's no way for me to show her.
BnBRool: Here's an interesting factoid: Studio8.net has several regular visitors from Oregon.
BnBRool: They only look at the pictures, though.
BnBRool: Are you suggesting that if we put this "writing" of yours on our website, your mother would get to see it?
BnBRool: And she might even beam with pride while reading it?
BnBRool: Is that what you're saying to me?
BlockerMelon34: Perhaps... but instead she would probably just fall over dead from crack addiction.
BnBRool: Why must you resort to tugging at my frayed and worn heartstrings like this?
BnBRool: The opportunity to heal an ailing familial unit...
BnBRool: The chance to make my ruined and retarded childhood somehow worthwhile...
BnBRool: The beginning of a new era of good-deed-doing in my life!
BlockerMelon34: *Sees Light Beams Shine*
BnBRool: Are you on drugs?
BlockerMelon34: No...
BnBRool: Your mother wouldn't appreciate that answer.
BnBRool: Let's try again.
BnBRool: Are you on drugs?
BlockerMelon34: Sadly, No. I don't really care if my Mom appreciates my answer because she's a stupid crackwhore.
BlockerMelon34: She abandoned me when I was like 2.
BnBRool: So you won't just try some drugs just for fun?
BnBRool: Not for your mother.
BnBRool: For fun.
BnBRool: ???
BlockerMelon34: Nah.
BnBRool: Strike 4!!!!!!!!!!
BnBRool: Touchdown!
BlockerMelon34: Weee.
BnBRool: We don't allow drug abusers around the Studio 8 offices.
BnBRool: I mean, they can clean up the garbage and what-not.
BnBRool: But we don't want them sniffing around and writing content for us.
BlockerMelon34: OK. Well, luckily for me, I'm not a drug abuser...or even a user.
BnBRool: How about a drug pusher?
BlockerMelon34: Nope.
BnBRool: Dope?
BlockerMelon34: LOL, No.
BnBRool: Hey, this isn't the sixties, kid.
BnBRool: You don't have to worry about the cops anymore.
BnBRool: They're cool with it.
BnBRool: I have cops knocking on my door trying to sell me all sorts of drugs all the time.
BlockerMelon34: That's kinda sad.
BnBRool: I also have Girl Scouts trying to sell drugs to me on a regular basis.
BnBRool: They call them "cookies".
BnBRool: But I know better.
BlockerMelon34: Lol, yeah, you hafta watch out, and just throw bricks at them.
BnBRool: Or my own head (if I could figure out how to pull it off).
BlockerMelon34: Yeah, without killing yourself.
BnBRool: Let's not be suicidal, people.
BlockerMelon34: Anyway, my grandma wants me to get off the computer now... so if you feel like it, read my story... and I'll talk to you later.
BlockerMelon34: Byebye
BnBRool: Okay.
BlockerMelon34 signed off at 2:02:45 PM.

<Alas, I can't find this dude's submission, but it was about as good as you probably imagine it to be. It was about Pac-Man. And it wasn't funny. But I feel bad about that because this kid was nice. So, kid, if you're reading this, keep writing and learning. It's fun. You won't regret it.>

Stay tuned for Part 3?

This convo written by Brock.
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